I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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