I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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