So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
