WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
