My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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