my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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