Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
