if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
