the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
