He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
