I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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