So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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