you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm passing your future prison.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
