The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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