Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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