That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
