so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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