just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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