You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she told me i tasted like america
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm always down for nudity.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
