This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
