Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
