dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
