My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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