Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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