It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
should my penis look like a turkey
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
