I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
