Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
