i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
