I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
