I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
