Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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