It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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