So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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