can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
