i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
