Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
zippers are such a cool invention
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
