The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
