after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
