How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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