i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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