matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just want nice things and good sex
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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