I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
