every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
