im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
