Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
