New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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