capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
