ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
