so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
