the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
