So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
