I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
