Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
