Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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