Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I love having hate sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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