Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
