she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
