I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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