Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
