My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
