Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
